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21 September 2009 @ 04:06 pm

I wish I could enjoy solitude like this.

Recent events have gotten the best of me. This weekend itself was too much for me, yesterday more than anything. It's so hard right now =/ It really does seems like the negative never gives up on slipping through. I am not an individual who deserves this at all, but that's my life I suppose. I look at others and wonder how they are really doing. Anyone can say that they are doing good, and everything is okay, but it is never like that. The sorrow in my eyes is quite visible. I myself feel like I am too young to be going through such a mess. I've dealt with so much for so long, how much more do I have to go through ? ={

Well, it is happening again. I am seeking solitude, and my own state of mind. I really don't feel like I belong here....I never did. My surroundings are not catching up, instead they are disintegrating. It's only a matter of time before I shut everything and everyone out, and I don't want it to get to that point again =/

♥ Sue-j

Current Mood:

crushed

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05 December 2008 @ 03:50 am

It feels funny.

I feel a bit out of place. Actually, things feel a bit out of place. Flipped right side up, upside down, inside out, it all feels funny. Hmm. Well, this year is quickly ending ... not sure how I feel about time passing right between my fingertips, but soon I will. Christmas cards are half way done ^-^ I'm actually pretty excited about that. tehee. Let's see what else ... oh yeah, it's 3:54 AM and Insomnia has taken away my sleep once again.

♥ Sue-j

Current Mood:

indescribable

Current Music: The Cure | ♥ | Disintegration

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25 September 2008 @ 12:15 pm

And the calm heart will break when given a shake. This is how my heart behaves.

♥ Sue-j

Current Location: Home

Current Mood:

confused

Current Music: Feist | ♥ | How My Heart Behaves

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24 September 2008 @ 08:36 pm

Alice Glass ♥

Alice Glass

Picture taken : 061108

Amazing live. I have seen them live twice, and I cannot wait until next month when I shall see them again ^-^ Crystal Castles are just at the top of my list, end of story.

♥ Sue-j

Current Mood:

ecstatic

Current Music: CC vs Bloc Party | ♥ | Hunting for Witches Remix

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21 September 2008 @ 07:47 am

Awake, but where's Waldo ?!

Like always, I tend to let time pass before my next entry is written. Not purposely though, just happens. Currently living in a loop, but I guess that's life sometimes. I have my bundle of joy, Snowflake. tehee. My liddo dwarf bunny who is almost 8 months old. We wore our matching Waldo shirts. haha. Nothing else to say so I guess I'll end it short.

Waldo has nothing on us !

♥ Sue-j

Current Mood:

ditzy

Current Music: CSS | ♥ | Let's Make Love and Listen to Death from Above

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22 July 2008 @ 12:18 pm

=/

This is sad, but some people do live life this way.

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17 May 2008 @ 07:26 pm

Update ...

- I am N i n e t e e n.
- January was good, February was nice, then March came along and things were alright. April was sour, and May has been okay, but June will surely take my problems away :D
- I have gained much, and lost much as well.
- I am currently interested in someone, and single once again.
- Earworms are fatal in the mind of thee.
- I have hid my face behind large books, and that's okay.
- I have lots of plans that will soon take place.
- Painting is still something I enjoy, surprisingly ...
- I really want to go to Sonics !!!
- My nightlife has been fair, but it will get better ;)
- Yaddi yaddi, walla walla.
- I will end things here for now at least.

♥Sue-j

Current Location: Kitchen

Current Mood:

weird

Current Music: Uffie | ♥ | First Love

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03 November 2007 @ 11:51 pm

Tikki and Mama =)

TIKKI my bebe, my dwarf bunny. She's almost four months old, aha =) She learned how to open her liddo house by herself, and I sleep with a doubt that she'll leave and get smashed my something around the house. She hops too much when I take her out for a walk, and she loves smelling everything. She's full of energy, and she only takes a nap when I'm there. She's the cutest !!!

♥ Sue-j

Current Mood: creative

Current Music: Interpol | ♥ | Song Seven

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14 September 2007 @ 02:41 am

I n s o m n i a =|

January 22, 2005

Insomnia :
–noun
inability to obtain sufficient sleep, esp. when chronic; difficulty in falling or staying asleep; sleeplessness.

Dictionary terms are nice. I like how they break down the word and make it so simple to comprehend. haha. As of now I'm stuck with Insomnia =/ What a bummer it is not to sleep, not to dream---of you.

♥ Sue-j

Current Mood: awake

Current Music: Crystal Castles | ♥ | Trash The Rental

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07 September 2007 @ 12:20 pm

I hate the way you talk to me,
and the way you cut your hair.
I hate the way you drive my car
I hate it when you stare.
I hate your big dumb combat boots
and the way you read my mind.
I hate you so much it makes me sick,
it even makes me rhyme.
I hate the way you’re always right,
I hate it when you lie.
I hate it when you make me laugh,
even worse when you make me cry.
I hate it when you’re not around,
and the fact that you didn’t call.
But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you,
not even close…
not even a little bit…
not even at all.

♥ sue-j

Current Mood:

refreshed

Current Music: New Young Pony Club | ♥ | Ice Cream

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26 August 2007 @ 08:02 pm

I'm taking this as a sort of Note To Self for hopes of creating a better day. I don't want to hate tomorrow more than yesterday, or regret whatever happened over le weekend. Just wanna chill. Just wanna pass time, enjoy e v e r y passing moment. Hit up the plant that makes my high, and trouble's fadeee away. Just wanna __________________ be happy. Without troubles. Without attachments. Without any sort of negativity. Without you. Without Drama. Without this, without that. I have what I want. I have succeeded in my mental method. What else is there ? Bring it ! I can seriously handle anything right about now. What hasn't been thrown my way ? I have been through hell and back, then back again. More enemies than friends, but it goes to show who is actually there in the long run. Man, I can't wait for September to come along. Yeeeeeeeee. PEACE !

♥ sue-j

Current Mood:

satisfied

Current Music: Justin Timberlake | ♥ | Like I Love You

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20 July 2007 @ 04:54 pm

I feel like shit.
I want to just burn down everything.
Nothing is ever going to change, and I'm so sick of telling myself that it will.
Fights, crying, lying, drinking, running away from emotions, sleepless nights--I don't want any of it anymore.
Im done.
I'm holding up a huge White Flag, but no one seems to care.
I feel like life is just laughing at my misery.
As if things WERE meant to be this way, and make me feel so miserable.
I don't want to go out every weekened and meet someone who I have no interest in.
The person that I want is YOU and only YOU.
And last night I realized that I STLL do have something for you, but I don't know if it will lead to anything else ... :/
I'm done with trying. I' really giving up this time.
Maybe I am wasting my time ? I can't help but cry.
I'm letting everything out, but there's still so much more I have inside me.
Done with all the shit that has been talked about me by the one's who claim to love me.
Sucks when the people you live with turn their backs on you.
I wish things could get better.
I want to take this load off my chest, and let it go, but it's never that simple.
Complications reproduce within seconds, and my stomach is starving for some answers.
Im starving for the truth.
I want to know how you feel.
I want to be optimistic, but frail words take advantage of the hope that lurks between.
Misunderstandings that a blind person could see have torn us to apart in a million different parts.
I don't want to cry anymore.
My eyes are the size of almonds.
I need so many things, but I have none of the above.
Im not sure what is the purpose to such a life like this one.
So many things can go wrong all at the same time.
Im tired of it.
Im tired of it all.
I really want to move somewhere far.
Somewhere where NO ONE knows my name.
I want to start all over again.

♥ Sue-j

Current Location: my room

Current Mood:

pessimistic

Current Music: Tegan & Sara | ♥ | The Con

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17 June 2007 @ 01:19 pm

</a>

Wo do Ich anfangen ?! There's so much going on. High School is over in t h r e e days. I can't believe it, the day every High School students waits for is finally here ! Wow :] Grad night on Thursday, Graduation the next day. EEEEEEEEEEEE. So many things going on :D haha. Still single, not looking. IM not going to move on with someone new. Im not ready to put effort into something new, maybe in a while. As of now im enjoying the single life :] My sisters bonfire is this weekend, cant wait ! Man, time does fly. Ive realized many things, and most of it concludes the same way, and that part is the one that amazes me. My views on a countless amount of things shift on a daily bases, but the same way they shift they end up going back to place. Im not even sure if that even made sense, but it sure does in my head :D. I wonder what I will be doing five years from now. I really need to stop being so undecisive, and stick to ONE thing. I know that it might not go according to plan, but im willing to give it a try. My days at the hospital are coming to an end, and as insane as it was working there, a part of me is going to miss it. I was easily amused, and it makes me never want to age because once you start hitting those middle double digits the brain isnt the same. Friendships will move on, and im waiting to see which ones will be worth saving. Im ready to take that next step in life. Once you move forward theres no looking back. Ive been a sucker for adventure, and im going to be one again. I really want to take a road trip this summer. A plan will proceed, and if anything does happen updates will take place. Thats all for now.

♥ Sue-j

Current Mood: dorky

Current Music: BTBAM | ♥ | Selkies : The Endless Obsession <333

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19 May 2007 @ 04:31 pm

This will be a pretty long entry ...

______________

Promwas amazing ! I thought it was going to be super wack to the second power, but I was proven wrong. The place was so beautiful, no drama, loved every minute of it. Phone calls to you, and whatnot. Then prom was over, and we headed to the after party. I cant really remember what happened cos I got super drunk, but while I was sober I had fun. I couldnt walk in my heels and being under the influence didnt help much either. I got so drunk to the point where I threw up, Erik carried me to the car, I called someone and told him who knows what. I got home like around 6 am. Kathleen and Erik slept over, and I woke up with a sick hangover :(

We woke up around noon time, Erik had to leave so he did. Kathleen went with us to eat. We munched it at this yum Asian buffet :) Laughed so hard to the point where I almost peed my pants. Luckily my food stayed down, and didnt make its way up the way it had earlier in the morning :(

______________

I'll write more later. Im gonna go eattttt :)

♥

Sue-j

Current Mood:

relaxed

Current Music: good stuff :)

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24 April 2007 @ 04:21 pm

So I've been up to a lot of things, and life seems to be right where I left off, but a little different. The past two weeks have been fair. I've had my really good moments, but they are always followed by the bad ones as well. I was a snapping turtle yesterday, but things are better today :) Prom is this Saturday, and Im pretty excited !!! eeeeeeeeeee. Cant wait :)

Ive met a good handful of people, and its not as iffy as I thought it would be. I went to Le Disko two weeks ago. We drank before we went it, got some energy pills that lasted me like five minutes. Danced. Felt the aggresion on the dance floor, and saw faces I forgot about. The time passed, and I ended up meeting thee cutest boy ever, and we danced the night away. He's my dancing partner ... haha. He's a cutie. Theres pictures of us on the website. Pictures I didnt even know existed. LOL. More memories to add to the collection :) Everything that went on that night was just priceless ! Half of the people there were super drunk as it is, and watching them hump each other on the floor was too funny !!! HAHAHAH. I got home around 2 am exhausted and stuck with secondhand smoke smell. EEEEE :/

On Sunday I went to San Pedro with the family, and we ate at our favorite restaurant. It always makes me feel better on a gloomy day. I ate so much I couldnt even move ! I drank my hot chocolate, and wondered about many things. My mind is pretty clear now, and its a good thing. Sometimes things dont work out the way you intended, but its for the best.

Im planning on getting my female robot tattoo soon, the one I always wanted :) And perhaps I will also get a baby dino. My sketches on my body. Yes. I jsut need to make sure its the one that I want because I dont want ANY regrets.

Im leaving to Oregon soon. Senior year is ending super fast, and I have a lot of growing up to do ! I am needy, and It took me a while to figure that one out. My bestie pointed it out, and yes, everything makes sense now. I thought about every love that couldve been, but no, things are better off this way. Ive had my heart smashed, but Ive done it as well. I guess thats just the cycle. You hold on, then let go, move on, stop, and do it all over again. Theres a billion fishies in the sea, but im not fishing any time soon !

♥ sue-j

Current Mood:

calm

Current Music: Amelie | ♥ | A Quai

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15 April 2007 @ 05:41 pm

I hope to one day find

NOT love

Not peace

Just a clear mind

Changes are happening, and things are looking better. Slowly, but surely. Im moving to Oregon in July, and its for the best :) Im going to do school over there for a while, and see what happens. I know that I will accomplish better things over there. Ive done it before, it will happen again. Scenery, and beautiful starry nights to enjoy. CANT WAIT :)

I am single. Im not happy. Im not sad. I settle myself between the two. Things didnt seem to be leading anywhere. I still mean every word I said, but he doesnt seem to care. :/ I cant change the way he feels. I just hope someone else makes him happy :)

Either way life moves on. It wont stop for you, nor I, so lets make the best of it our seperate ways.

FIN.

♥ sue-j

Current Mood: accomplished

Current Music: NIN | ♥ | Just Like You Imagined

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10 April 2007 @ 05:15 pm

Je Ne Sais Pas :(

secrets ~~dont~~ cant last forever.

Ugh. Two weeks until Prom, and I dont know whats going to happen. So many things have shifted in different directions, and im so sick of crying ! Life was so great, and everything went down the drain :( I've made up my mind, and I hope the choices I make are for the best. I cant deal with anymore drama. I honestly cant. Things with my parents will never change, maybe moving away is the best thing for me ... ?!?!? Who knows. I dreamt of so many things as a child, and now as a young adult Im not even sure if I want any of it anymore. The things I loved and cherish are not as valuable anymore, and Im sick of trying and getting fucked over.

♥ Sue-j

Current Mood:

confused

Current Music: Time Spent Driving

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31 March 2007 @ 04:52 pm

Take offs and different landings ...
because you never know where you might land

because you never know what i really feel .

Things happen .

Ich Vermisse Dich. ♥

I'm not asking for much. I dont want you to throw yourself at me. I dont want to become anything I hate, so why am I so troubled and left with questions and half answers ? Soon I will figure out what Ive been trying to figure out ... time is everything. Patience is what I dont have :/

♥ Sue-j

Current Mood:

weird

Current Music: +44 | ♥| I'll be there when your heart stops beating

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17 March 2007 @ 07:13 pm

I've been thinking a lot. I found the new Snow Patrol cd that I bought, but never really listened to. I cleaned my room, and put the cd on. It got to track 8, and I just couldnt move. I had that song on repeat for several hours. I was just laying on my floor trapped with a time lapse of memories. Some good, and others, well, yeah. I really miss my family in Oregon, and no one can ever replace them. I just HATE distance sooo much, and I wish things werent the way they are. I want to change some stuff around, I dont want to wait for answers anymore. I just need to know that things will be okay, and that shes going to be fine. Im dealing with an inner conflict, and its pretty hard to pretend that things are okay, when thats all that im thinking about ... :/ Well, during Christmas time my boyfriend really wanted to know what I got him as a gift. He wouldnt stop asking, so i told him that I got him a WOOL sweater with his name on it. hahaha. He was just like "okay ?". While I was in Oregon I got really bored, so I found some buttons that my aunt didnt want, I got my black wool sweater, and I made it happen. haha. He still doesnt know. I cleaned my room today, and I found it. I couldnt stop laughing. Yeah, I really miss him :( Hes STILL sick. Eh. I think thats all for now.

I like this boy too much !

♥ Sue-j

Current Mood:

thoughtful

Current Music: Sneaker Pimps | ♥ | How Do

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10 March 2007 @ 04:37 pm

I guess it's time ...

No more long hair ...

So ... I tried looking for my prom dress today. NO LUCK . :/ I want to find it asap because I really dont want to leave this as a last minute thing !

-I cut my hair today. I dont like it. :/
-Im pretty bored, theres nothing to do
-I have an enlarged stomach due to all the food ive been eating.
-I have homework that I dont want to begin.
-I miss my boyfriend, and he's sick :(
-I want some ice cream .
-I want my hair to G R O W .
-I find myself drifting from people again.
-Deleting the memories with the people who bring negativity ...
-I really want to go to the beach right about now.
-I have lots of stuff on my mind
-And I need a new Digital Camera !!!

♥ Sue-j

Current Location: my room

Current Mood:

blank

Current Music: Damien Rice | ♥ | 9 Crimes

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